


Nnnnggggkfffffffssssk

by brainofck



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Alien Culture, Alien Technology, Bugs & Insects, Language Kink, M/M, Sex Toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-07
Updated: 2011-08-07
Packaged: 2017-10-22 08:18:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/236028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brainofck/pseuds/brainofck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some shopping offworld.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nnnnggggkfffffffssssk

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ms_3M](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Ms_3M).



"That guy is totally creeping me out," Jack said, eyeing the shop keeper warily.

"They've all been creeping you out for three days now. Give it a rest," Daniel replied. "Look at this thing. What do you suppose it is?"

"We could just ask the guy," Jack pointed out.

"Hmmm," said Daniel, looking with distaste at the translator module they had been provided by their hosts. They were negotiating technology exchanges with a highly advanced race of, well, for lack of a better name, Daniel had taken to calling them grasshopper people. Though Jack had loudly expressed his opinion that they looked more like a cross between a spider and a preying mantis.

"Except spiders don't have 14 legs," Daniel said.

"Yeah, well, neither do grasshoppers," Jack replied. Which was a fair point.

The negotiations were going well, and were intriguing and useful, but after several days cooped up in a conference room, even a weird, alien conference room with odd, insectoidal architecture, it was just time to get out and explore.

Daniel approached the shopkeeper, who was conversing with their guide and watching the mammals nervously. Daniel pursed his lips and attempted to make the slurping, clacking sound that the translation device always interpreted as "Hello, how are you?"

His attempt resulted in both aliens waving their sixth pairs of appendages quite agitatedly. Daniel tried out a friendly smile and spoke into the device.

"Was that right?" he asked. Which resulted in flailing of the second leg pairs, which Daniel had decided on the first day was this species' equivalent of a head nod.

"Yes, yes, Daaanj!" exclaimed their guide excitedly. "Very good! No mammal has ever spoken our language. You are quite _ssssssnnnnnnnnnnckckckckck_!"

The compliment brought a chuckle from Jack. He swiped the translation device from Daneil.

"Apparently Daniel's genius has elicited an untranslatable adjective. My little linguist thanks you from the bottom of his heart."

Then Jack moved his body in a sinuous weaving motion, adding a head bob, and uttered a shocking series of gurgling noises.

Daniel resisted the urge to kiss the alien syllables off his lover's lips.

This resulted in even more leg waving, as Jack had just executed a perfect thank you dance, complete with "Thank you!"

"Show off," Daniel said. Jack just smirked.

"We wanted to know," said Daniel, interrupting the hissing and snorking of the aliens, "What is this for?" he pointed to the object hanging by a silk thread from the ceiling. It was tubular and made of a sort of gel like substance that was soft if you pressed gently, but become more resistant the harder you pressed.

"That is a _nngg_ ," the shopkeeper said through the unhelpful translation device. "It is for stimulating the _mrkkkk_ gland."

Jack arched an eyebrow.

"Really?" Daniel said. "We are not familiar with your physiology. What does it accomplish?"

The shopkeeper consulted with their guide, then spoke into the device again.

"Stimulation of the _mrkkkk_ gland is very pleasurable," the shopkeeper said.

"Sex toy," Jack quipped, which was completely unnecessary. However, he said it loudly enough that the translator picked it up. " _Nnnnggggkfffffffssssk_ " it said. Well. There was an unusual word to add to your vocabulary so early in learning a new language, Daniel thought.

The two aliens seemed taken aback.

"Ah. Well. That seems quite. Um. Vulgar. I mean crude. I mean," their alien guide was stammering in apparent mortification.

Daniel smiled.

"Please forgive Jack. He was taken by surprise. On our planet, shops selling items for, ah, intimate pleasure, are not so prominently placed."

There was more clicking and snarfling by the aliens. Daniel decided the best course at this point was to show, not tell, and he turned to wander through shop, observing the various items, all displayed hanging on silken threads.

Jack reached out to touch one.

"Wait!" called their guide. "It is best that mammals not touch anything blue. Blue things often contain pheremones, and they can cause strong reactions."

Jack calmly withdrew his hand.

"Any other stuff like that we should know?" Jack asked Daniel, who relayed the question to the aliens.

"No," responded their host. "Only the blue ones should cause reactions."

Daniel picked up a long staff-like object, covered in fine short hairs. He rubbed his hand over the surface. It was soft, and the staff was pliable.

"That is for grooming the stomach scales," supplied the shopkeeper helpfully.

More eyebrow lifting from Jack.

Jack prodded a blob. It molded immediately to his finger. He prodded more, and it expanded and clung. He pulled his finger back and it reluctantly released him, returning to it's original blobular form.

"And this is?" he asked.

"Oh. That is for inserting in the _cktcktcktssss_ " this word caused the translator to labor and skip and finally it settled on the word "orifice. It is most pleasurable and very popular with males and females alike," he said, turning an odd shade of puce as he spoke.

"That's the happy color, right?" Jack asked softly.

"Yup," Daniel agreed. "That must be one fun toy."

Jack took the translator from Daniel.

"Let's talk price, here, gentlemen. I've got some really interesting items from earth in my bag here..."

Back in their strange quarters, Jack muttered, "This place is just a little too Pegasus Galaxy for my taste."

"They're not Wraith, Jack," Daniel said for the twentieth time. "Just because their structures are built through biotechnology doesn't mean they're bad." Though the strange luminescence of the walls was a little off-putting.

"Get nekkid," Jack ordered. He was already stripping out of his clothes.

To Daniel's complete amusement, Jack had bought out the store. Daniel had no idea what he was going to tell the SGC about their souvenirs, but that was the advantage of being a lieutenant general. Nobody was going to tell him he couldn't bring his weird alien artifacts home with him.

So Jack tied Daniel up to their nestlike bed on stilts with the weird pliable string thingies so that his hands were bound together stretched above his head, and his knees were forced to bend with his ass high in the air. Then he smooshed and coaxed the blob into Daniel's "orifice," which liked it very much, as it warmed and vibrated in an extremely stimulating manner. And the _nngg_ , which turned out to be quite slick, was made to encase Daniel's very, very erect dick hanging down pitifully swinging in the air.

And then Jack spent a very long time touching every exposed inch of Daniel's skin with the furry rod thing.

Daniel screamed himself hoarse. Luckily, Jack had a handy pair of clean socks, which prevented the inopportune arrival of a rescue team.

When Jack finally tired of his new toys, he stripped away the _nngg_ and wiggled himself under Daniel's contorted body. He reached back to pluck his own blob from his own orifice and Daneil plowed into him, pressing his sock gag into the back of Jack's head.

Jack alternated between moaning and laughing helplessly.

Daniel fucked him into the mattresses.

The next day, Jack sat very delicately through the negotiations. Daniel glowed happily in a fantastic mood created by an afterglow that wouldn't go away. He spent the day rubbing at his abraded wrists. Watching them knowingly, their guide of the previous day turned puce and waved his sixth pair of appendages gently.

**Author's Note:**

> For Ms_3M who sent my brain to a bad, bad place. Very bad. She requested
> 
>  _Jack and Daniel come across an alien version of a porn shop -- complete with toys, pictures, and other goodies. Needless to say, the boys get curious. And of course, they are in an established relationship._   
> 



End file.
